


You tore me up and left me bleeding

by Mar1asha



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, HP: EWE, Heartache, Heartbreak, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Draco Malfoy, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-11-30 13:25:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mar1asha/pseuds/Mar1asha
Summary: It had been a while since that one night. When his world finally righted itself, just to be thrown into disarray the very next day. and now he was going to see HIM again after almost seven months. Draco was going to try and keep it together, he just needed to get through this engagement party and not break apart. (Updated)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Right, hello again. Been a while since i posted last, but i've been working on a long fic which is almost done :) as for this, well it just came to me and i had to write it down so this is the first chapter, the second one will be uploaded next week so stay tuned and hopefully it's good. 
> 
> Additional note: just a few minor corrections done since posted. Worth mentioning that this is un-betad.
> 
> Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by J. K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made, no copyright or trademark infringement, or offense is intended. Purely Written for fun and enjoyment of Drarry shippers ;)

**Chapter 1**

 

Draco stood in front of the mirror, looking at his reflection as he fixed his clothes and his hair, which to be honest did not need fixing. He looked perfect. He chose this specific suit as he knew the charcoal grey looked in good contrast with his pale skin and blonde hair, the light blue shirt would bring out the flecks of blue in his otherwise silver eyes. Fixing the waistcoat once again, Draco moved his hand through his hair, he had just gotten a haircut that morning, deciding to change his style a bit with this asymmetric cut, some of the hair kept falling into his eyes but he thought overall it suited him rather well.

Yes, he did look great. Not that it would matter. Not that HE would care. At one time Draco was naïve enough to think that he might care for him. Oh but how wrong was he, when he found himself all alone with not even a goodbye.

“Draco we are going to be late!” Pansy poked her head through the door, “Oh! Look at you. Darling you look fabulous.” She walked in placing a kiss to his cheek. She wore a long navy blue dress gown with a rather plunging neckline, her hair raised in a tight bun with rivulets of curls framing her face.

“You look stunning Pans.” Draco said looking at their reflection. “We look rather good together don’t we?” He said wondering not for the first time why he couldn’t have fallen in love with her.

“We do, but you don’t swing my way and I have a boyfriend.” She chuckled in response as she turned him around to fix his tie just for something to do while she tried to breach the subject as delicately as possible, “Will you be alright tonight?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Draco…”

“I’m fine!” That came out harsher than he intended, he knew she was trying to be supportive, he covered her hand with his and raised it to his lips. “It’s the first time you’re going to see him since…” “Pansy please.” He interrupted, it came out as a broken whisper and he hated how weak he sounded, “Let’s just get through tonight yeah?” She nodded at that and he grabbed his Blazer as they headed out the door. Draco wondering if he could leave his heart behind, he doubted it could take anymore breaking.

 ****************************************************************

 

They apparated right outside the Burrow, Pansy walking slightly ahead of Draco towards the large marquee spanning the backyard, the weather was rather chilly for an august evening with the soft breeze ruffling Draco’s loose hair strands into his eyes. With every step he took his chest tightened. He could feel a steel hand gripping at his chest and realized this is exactly what it felt to have one’s heart broken.

They reached the entrance and Draco froze, he couldn’t breathe as he felt panic rise in his chest. Maybe he was stupid to think that he could go through with this. Shite! Pansy stood to the side, silently waiting. She knew that if he decided to turn and leave she wouldn’t stop him. A small part of her wished that he would, it pained her to see how much he was hurting. But she also knew he was stubborn and strong and she was confident he would take a deep breath, straighten up and walk in, his chin in the air.

And that’s exactly what he did, she smiled softly to herself and linked her arm through his offered one. As they walked in, Draco was met with a spacious area surrounded by tables and flowers and people, it was already rather crowded. He looked around at the overall decoration and realized that it was a little too over the top, what with the ice sculptures, the copious amounts of flowers on the tables and in every corner. There were two blossoming cherries at the end of the marquee and flying pixies everywhere. In Draco’s opinion too much was going on. But it wasn’t his engagement party. The tables surrounded what looked to be a dance floor, the only thing he found rather appeasing are the combinations of purple hydrangeas and white tulips elegantly set on the tables.

But all this got blended into the background like it was not important as Draco spotted HIM. Standing giving Granger a tight hug and a shoulder clap to the Weasel. Draco’s heart clenched, his chest aching at just how gorgeous the man was. He looked stunning, in a light grey suit and black shirt and tie. It hurt looking at him, but he couldn’t look away. It has always been like that, he was always drawn to him. Like a moth to a flame, and just like the moth he was burning into ashes in a swirl of pain.

He watched as the Weaslette walked up to HIM, as HE placed an arm around her waist and kissed her temple, murmuring something in her ear as she laughed and smacked him lightly on the chest. She laid her head on his shoulder and he placed another kiss to her head. She was wearing this deep green dress, he couldn’t miss the fact that it was the same colour as HIS eyes.

It was the first time he’s seen HIM in almost seven months, that’s how long it took him to go through a phase of denial that this wasn't happening, he would wait every morning, every evening for an owl, a floo call anything.

When that didn’t work he turned angry and vindictive, only Pansy could tolerate to be around him and he was surprised she stayed, he unleashed all that pent up rage at her. A few months later, when he had no fight left in him Draco wondered what it was that he did wrong, why is it that he was not enough? Maybe he could be better? He could try. He would do anything. He buried himself in work trying to keep his mind of his aching heart, now the pain was a dull aching that never went away. It was ALWAYS there. Just a hum in the back of his soul that kept reminding him of what he lost.

And that is where he was stuck now. His work became everything to him. He preferred silence and quiet and being away from people. Especially that most of the people he knew, most of Draco’s friends were also HIS friends. And he was tired of hearing from them how happy HE was, how great HE was doing. So he would excuse himself and leave.

“There you are!” Draco was pulled out of his reverie as Blaise walked over giving Pansy a hug, “You guys are late.” He added scolding the two, Draco didn’t really care, and he still did not look away.

“You cannot hurry a woman when she is getting ready for a party.” Pansy added.

Blaise didn’t believe her but he didn’t press. He knew Draco well enough to know that this would be difficult for him, but he also knew him well enough not to mention anything. Only one person was allowed to ask if he was alright, and she was shaking her head at Blaise telling him to not go there.

Blaise grabbed two champagne flutes off the floating tray and passed one to Pansy and the other to Draco, who had finally turned away to face Blaise. He smiled but the smile did not touch his eyes, it was harder to do that now. Smile. He gave Blaise a tight hug and a pat on the back, the other man laughed and tightened his hug. Draco tried to feel warm, but somehow it did not work. The ice inside him was still as cold as ever.

They moved further inside, Pansy heading towards Neville whose face brightened and shone as he laid eyes on her. She giggled and twirled in her dress and was then scooped up and kissed by the snake slayer. Neville then turned to Draco and they shook hands, they spoke about Draco’s latest research and he was glad that he could divert his thoughts to something other than HIM.

“Draco.” He turned to see Luna walking towards him wearing a dress that was pink but felt more like liquid glitter as it shimmered around her making her look like a fairy. Sometimes he wondered if that were somewhat true. “I have missed you.” She added as she hugged him around his waist as she was quite shorter than him. Draco smiled down at her, one of those rare smiles that he really meant. Though still not reaching his eyes.

“Hello Luna. I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry I have not been around lately, just been quite busy with work.”

“Your research.” She stated as she walked to take a seat at the table, they all followed, Draco nodded and she looked at him, her eyes looking more into him than at him and he felt uncomfortable, if anyone could see through him it would be her.

No one knew what happened, well except Pansy and Blaise as they were the ones picking his broken pieces and trying to put him back together. No, everyone else just thought that he was stressed with work and his research. That was the excuse he used and everyone seemed to believe him. She gave him a soft smile and took his hand squeezing it. “You seem to be attracting quite a few wrakspurts, don’t let them bring you down, just think good things.”

That was not so easy, he gave another small smile and turned away to sip on a champagne flute that appeared in front of him. He had not realized that he had already finished one. Oh well, might as well get trashed, nothing left to loose. The guests were still arriving and their table was being surrounded by people coming to say hello and catching up.

Draco started to feel slightly suffocated, he sneaked out of the marquee and walked a little away resting his back against a tree. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one and inhaled resting his head on the tree bark eyes scanning the night sky. It was a clear sky, and Draco could see the stars he knew by heart, it was one of his favourite things to do when he was a child, learn the constellations as he lay in his mother’s arms and they mapped the stars together.

He closed his eyes wanting to be elsewhere, as far away from here as possible. He had managed not to look at HIM for a whole twelve minutes, yes he knew exactly how long, and how pathetic is that. He could hear the soft music from the marquee and the sound of chatter, he also heard footsteps coming near him, he kept his eyes closed, he hoped it wasn’t HIM and yet he wanted it to be HIM more than anything.

“Hey Malfoy.”

Oh FUCK!

 

 

  ****************************************************************

 

 

Draco didn’t open his eyes, he didn’t move besides lifting the cigarette back to his lips. “Those things could kill you.” Just to prove a point Draco took a rather long drag filling his lungs and letting it out slow in a puff of smoke. Though he wasn’t sure what kind of point he was trying to make. Still not opening his eyes, Draco felt as HE came closer, yet he was still far away.

“How have you been?” Draco was not sure why but he rounded facing the other man his eyes burning in fury, rage that was repressed for months was on the verge of spilling. “Peachy.” He answered sarcasm dripping like venom, he saw the other man wince.

“Dra…”

“NO! Whatever it is you want to say you can take that and shove it up your arse because I’m not hearing it.” He would not bear to hear his name coming from him. Otherwise it would be so easy to fall into the illusion that he struggled so hard to get out of. That’s why he never spoke HIS name, never even thought it. He pushed himself off the tree and walked right past the brunette and back into the crowd, he wanted this night to be over.

As the guests arrived and greetings were exchanged, Draco saw how Blaise went to sit at the table next to Ginny and her parents and his mum. Everyone was seated and the food appeared on the tables casting a lovely delicious smell across the marquee. The food was delicious, the atmosphere light; at least Draco tried to enjoy it. He sat the entire time with his back to HIM. After the food was eaten and the bellies full, Mr. Weasley stood up to make a toast. His speech was rather lovely and kind, they had accepted Blaise into the family rather warmly. He spoke of how proud he was of his daughter becoming the beautiful woman that she is, and how he was happy that she found a man who could make her radiate like the sun. Once he was done, it was time for the ‘Best man speech’.

So Draco finished his fourth? No fifth glass of champagne, and grabbed another one that appeared on the table. He turned to face the happy couple, from the corner of his eye he could see HIM seated on the table to the left looking right at Draco. He felt a shiver run down his spine as his stomach turned. Taking a deep breath Draco discarded his written speech and decided to just say something from his cold and miserable heart. Which was probably a SHIT idea.

“I remember the day Blaise realized he was in love with Ginny. He was completely oblivious, I mean some people feel it happen, they notice little things as they start to fall in love, but Blaise? No he had no clue, it was like he was hit with a bludger.” Some laughed here and Blaise nodded, “We were meeting for drinks and he was in a shite mood, Ginny had been away for a training session and it had gone longer than planned and there he sat moping,”

“I was not.” Blaise shouted over interrupting him.

“Oh yes you were. Moping and worrying and just sitting there a complete mess, you had had a fight right before she left, and when you sat there _Moping_ , you said that you would give anything if you could see her smile again. Just smile.” Blaise looked at Ginny as she stared back with that very smile at him, he was happy for them, but still his heart ached, “He jumped then hitting the table and overturning the glasses spilling half the drinks as he practically flew out of the pub saying that he needed to find you because, and I quote ‘Merlin’s nickers I love that woman.’”

There was a lot of laughter and Blaise rubbed a hand across his face in embarrassment. “And that’s when it started, you became a better man for her,” He looked at Ginny here, “He learned to cook so he could make your favourite meals after your trainings and he learned more about Quidditch because it’s something you loved to do although he hates sports. Funny enough, it went both ways and you Ginny have turned his world upside down. What I’m trying to say is that you two have something incredibly special and precious, you gave your hearts to one another so guard them and cherish them with everything you have as you are now one whole. To Blaise and Ginny.”

“To Blaise and Ginny.” The crowd added raising their glasses. Draco gulped the champagne down as he once again tried to ignore the sensation of eyes boring into the back of his head. He looked at Pansy who gave him a soft smile and a nod mouthing _that was beautiful_. He nodded to her and looked back at the couple now walking to the dance floor. As soon as the music started up couples swarmed onto the floor swaying and dancing to the beat.

Draco stayed behind talking to people, he chatted with Neville some more about his research, then spoke to George about the joke shop, the redhead asking him if he would like to contribute on some potion based products with the shop. That was interesting and a change to his normal practice. He chatted a bit with Arthur and Molly, they thanked him for the wonderful speech and they could not ask for a better one.

It was an hour later that he found himself face to face with the one he had been avoiding all night, “Can we talk?” the brunette asked tentatively.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Draco said as he started making his way through the crowd to the exit, it was his best friend’s special day he did not want to make a scene. The other man right at his heels heading him off right before he reached the exit. Draco scowled at the green eyed man.

“Malfoy, please.” Draco had to look away at that, he could not stare into those green eyes like ocean pools that would look at him pleadingly, he would break if he did. He would give his soul if the brunette asked him to. “I missed you.” Those words came on a whisper carried by the soft breeze that caressed Draco’s skin like millions of tiny sharp knives breaking his very skin and plunging into the depths of his aching heart.

“Well I don’t give a shite about you, you can shove off for all I care.”  Draco said trying to push past HIM. His breathing was shallow and his heart was beating too fast, the nausea was back and Draco could feel the stirrings of a panic attack once again.  The green eyed man grabbed onto his wrist, “Draco, please”, Draco felt the electricity rush through him at the touch, skin tingling and burning as fingers held tight onto his wrist,  but worse was the sound of his name on those sinful lips and the pain was too much breaking the strings that were holding him together.

He whirled facing the brunette “DON’T TOUCH ME!” he hissed with as much hate as he could wrenching his arm out of the tight grip, “Don’t you dare touch me,” he was aware that a few people were now looking at them, “you have NO right to touch me. Or to say my name like it matters. Like _I_ MATTER.” He practically cried out that last part. His emotions were like an uncontrollable storm and he couldn’t reign them in.

“I…” HE tried again, but Draco interrupted him by shoving him, “ _I_ don’t care. You can fuck of to wherever it is you came from. Or stay. Just don’t you fucking dare come near me.” At that he turned and walked out into the cold air, Pansy right at his heels. She caught up with him, “Darling?” it was a question, and he answered, “I’m fine. I just need to go home. Can you tell Blaise for me.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. there’s no need I’ll be fine. Enjoy the night Pans. I’ll see you.” He kissed her on the cheek and apparated home.

 

 ****************************************************************

 

“Draco Wait!” but he was too late as he watched Draco disapparate. Harry passed his fingers through his hair, and watched as a rather irrate and quite angry Pansy walked up to him.

“What the actual fuck Potter?”

“I just wanted to talk to him.”

“A little too late don’t you think?”

“What exactly is going on?” Ron asked as he and Hermione reached them, Blaise close behind. Pansy looked at Blaise and shrugged, he nodded his understanding. “Harry I thought you and Malfoy were like on good terms before you left. What happened?”

Harry looked at his feet in shame. No one knew, except it seemed Pansy, “They do not know?” oh and Blaise.

“Know what? Harry what have you done?” Hermione looked at him as he closed his eyes willing his tears not to fall.

“You fucked him up that’s what you did you absolute twat!” Pansy was fuming, “I don’t care if you’re the saviour of the bloody world if you come near him again I will destroy you.”

No one said a word, the sound of music from inside the marquee was so in contrast to the tense bubble of silence that surrounded them, “I just… I was scared, I didn’t know what to do.”

“So you fucking took off without a single word to him? Not one word in seven months! He waited for you. He fucking waited for something. ANYTHING.” Harry felt the tears fall. “So you just decided to fuck him then fuck him up? He got nothing, not even a goodbye?” she whispered and Harry heard Hermione gasp and Ron’s “Fucking hell Harry.”

He looked up to see Pansy looking at him, her rage did not abate as she glared at him. She walked past and back into the tent. “He was a right mess Harry.” Blaise added, “It’s not my place to tell you how he felt about you but I think you know too well.” Following Pansy back inside.

Harry felt Hermione’s arms encircle him as he fell to his knees tears falling freely. He searched the world for seven months, trying to find himself. And it took him just as long to realize what he wanted, was the very thing that he was running away from. The one person that he was running away from.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into past events that lead to the mess that Draco and Harry found themselves in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, sorry the delay but I'm travelling and had not had the chance to update the chapter. So a few notes:  
> \- some minor corrections were done to Chapter 1 (grammar and spelling), also it seemed a little ridiculous to have Harry gone for a whole 2 years, so the time was decreased to a more reasonable 7 months.  
> \- The rating was upped to Explicit because...ehm...sexual content  
> \- I know this was going to be 2 chapters, but i decided to split this chapter into two parts for a better reading experience so the next one will be posted by next Monday (hopefully).

 

_They were not friends. No they were the farthest from that as possible. So it came as quite a surprise to Draco when he received an owl from the boy wonder to meet him for lunch. Draco stared at that one piece of parchment like it was a Crumple-Horned Snorkack, eventually his curiosity won over him and he found himself at a small wizarding tea shop in Diagon Alley, Potter sitting opposite him handing him his wand and wanting to put the past behind them._

_Draco did not believe that would work but Potter was resilient, he kept meeting him for lunches, and invited him to all his friend’s gatherings and outings. Soon Draco’s friends also joined in; he needed some Slytherin support amongst the sea of Gryffindors. Surprisingly, both Pansy and Blaise were accepted into the group._

_It seemed everyone was just too tired after the war to hold grudges, they all just wanted some peace and happiness for once. Draco understood that, the need for normalcy as a way to put the nightmares behind. And sooner than later he found himself rather enjoying their company. Granger was smart and he enjoyed their lengthy discussions, the Weasel turned out to be a rather good chess player and probably the only one who did challenge Draco._

_Luna was always a warming presence, even Longbottom turned out to be decent. And then of course there was Potter, who decided to fill out during the war and looked like on of those Greek Demi-Gods. Draco knew he fancied him, that was normal the entire wizarding world fancied Harry-Bloody-Potter. But that’s all it was really._

_Except it didn’t stay that way, Potter was different around him, less guarded, more friendly and open and they talked late into the night on many occasions. Draco was there when Potter and the Weaslette broke up, it was mutual but it still left him quite upset. He ended up sleeping on Draco’s couch that night. That was the first time._

_Draco was quite surprised when he met Potter’s date at Dean’s birthday party. His date was tall, fit and a bloke! Yup, a bloke. Seems that the Golden boy swung both ways. That realization made Draco feel both excited and somewhat hurt. His heart was already feeling things his mind was not yet ready to accept._

_And so Potter found himself on Draco’s couch more often than not. After every bad date, nasty breakup and failed relationship; none of which lasted longer than a couple weeks, Potter would show up on Draco’s doorstep with a bottle of whiskey or wine and they would just sit there while the brunette would complain about whatever annoying traits his last fling had._

_That’s how Draco found himself falling in love with Potter. He had always felt like he was rather drawn to him, ever since Hogwarts, but having Potter sit on his couch in his home, talking to Draco like they were old friends and sharing stories and laughs, that just pushed the young schoolboy infatuation into the direction of a man sickly in love._

_He didn’t tell anyone, not that some people didn’t seem to notice. Pansy knew right away. When she came to his one morning and found Potter passed out on the couch after another one of those meaningless one night stands, she had torn his ear off that morning telling him this could only lead to disaster, he never listened to her. He would take anything he could get from Potter._

_It hurt him, the fact that Potter never looked at him that way. But he didn’t expect anything else, he was after all tainted, the dark mark on his forearm was proof enough. Ah but Potter kept coming back. And Draco was fine with that. It was all good, he enjoyed Potter’s company and that was enough for him._

_It was a cold January night, they were all gathering at the Leaky for a beer, Potter walked in with his date, another bloke whose name would not matter come morning, Draco didn’t manage to school his features in time and Seamus caught on the jealousy that flashed for a split second. For the rest of the evening Draco was in a slightly sour mood. And as Potter got up to leave with the rather handsome man, Seamus; a drunken mess by now, blurted out “Hey Malfoy, maybe instead of pining over Harry you could get up and do something about it, better than staring daggers.”_

_Draco remembers the shock and dread he felt, his eyes meeting Potter’s for a split second before he could school his features back into the trademark smirk, but Potter did not miss that first betraying emotion. “He should be so lucky.” Draco had answered with a scoff. Potter watched him, eyes burning, then walked out with his date._

_Draco did not expect to find Potter at his doorstep less than an hour later, he did not expect the brunette to sit on his couch and pin him with that burning gaze. “Is it true?” he asked his voice husky, which sent a shiver down Draco’s spine._

_“Is what true?” Draco stood leaning against the opposite wall in what he hoped was a nonchalant way. His heart sped up as Potter got up and stalked towards him, “Oh you know, you pining over me.” Potter was now standing right in front of him, crowding him further against the wall. Draco’s breathing hitched, “Like I said, you should be so lucky.” He hated how breathless his voice sounded. He could feel his heart racing, his dreams and nightmares both coming to life right in front if him._

_Potter leaned in smelling of Firewhiskey and cinnamon and something dangerous and nuzzled at Draco’s neck, he couldn’t stop the gasp, or the way his head leaned to the side giving Potter more access as the later mouthed at his neck alternating between soft kisses and bites. Draco felt his body giving in, despite the warning sirens that were ringing in his mind Draco lifted his hand reaching out to touch Harry’s hard and masculine chest, resting his hand there wanting to pull closer and push away._

_“Is this what you want?”_

_Yes. No. anything. Everything. Hot breath against his neck, strong hands holding his hips; when did that happen? Draco’s body was weak but he tried to fight and through the lust haze he managed to push Potter away far enough to allow himself some space to think. “I’m not one of your fuck buddies Potter,” his breathing was ragged, his face red and his eyes almost black with lust. But he was never going to be Potter’s one night stand, he wanted all or nothing. The look on Potter’s face softened as he took Draco’s face between his hands, “No you are not, Draco.” The sound of his name spoken so softly, and the tenderness in those green eyes, eyes that were filled with something more, something Draco refused to acknowledge lest he was wrong. “You are so much more to me.”_

_Draco’s heart stopped the moment their lips touched. That first kiss was so tender, a soft touch of slightly chapped lips. Potter kissed him like he was precious and Draco could not help but give in when Potter called his name again, “Draco, I’ve wanted this for so long.” He kissed him back, the kiss turning more demanding and hungry as Potter began kissing him in earnest. “Please?” He licked his lower lip taking it between his teeth in a bite._

_He wouldn’t know if it was the bite or the plea but Draco gasped and Potter took advantage snaking his tongue inside, their tongues meeting in a hot mess fighting for dominance. Draco was soon finding it hard to breathe. They pulled away, Potter going back to planting soft kisses on his jaw and neck, then back again reaching to the tender spot beneath his ear and sucking there. Draco moaned bucking his hips involuntarily against the hard body pressed against him._

_Potter’s kisses traveled back to his jaw and cheek, soft pecks all the way to his lips. This time Draco decided to take full control his hand leaving Potter’s chest to bury in the messy black hair, Draco pulled him closer crashing their mouths together in a kiss that was all hunger and need and just a little aggressive._

_Potter moaned into the kiss and their tongues fought for dominance, he felt strong hands at his hips pulling him closer, at the feel of Potter’s hardening cock against his hip, hearing his name moaned by the man who plagued his dreams Draco felt his knees weaken and his chest swell with emotion he tried to deny. Draco’s hands traveled down Potter’s back and under the T-shirt feeling hard muscles and hot skin. Potter moved into the touch further pushing into Draco’s hand._

_It wasn’t enough though, “Bed.” The only word he managed to moan as Potter went to unbutton his shirt. Potter’s response was to bite Draco’s neck eliciting another primal moan. Draco was never this loud, but Potter managed to  tear down his inhibitions and he was quickly losing control if his body.  They walked to his room, lips only separating to allow for Potter to take of his T-shirt, after which they stood in the hallway while Draco’s lips kissed down Potters neck and across his chest latching unto one of his hardened nipples and sucking it in._

_Potter’s hands threading into Draco’s blonde locks pulling him back up for another desperate kiss. He pulled Draco’s shirt ripping the last few buttons pushing it down his shoulders unto the floor as he pushed the door open into the room. Once in the room their kisses slowed becoming deeper and longer. Draco felt a hand travelling down his chest and stopping at his belt in question. In answer Draco pushed his hips against Potter’s and the brunette unbuckled his belt, popping the button and sliding the zipper open. He stopped for a second, face buried in Draco’s neck as he breathed in, Draco was so hard already all he wanted was to feel more._

_Potter kissed his neck travelling back up to his lips catching his lower lip in a bite as he pushed his trousers and pants down. Draco stepped out of them as Potter stepped back his eyes roaming Draco’s now very naked body. His eyes were black with just a sliver of green, moving over Draco’s body with lust and want and Draco couldn’t help the shiver that traveled across his body. Potter’s eyes stopped at Draco’s hardened cock, he licked his lips and Draco could feel his cock twitch, pre-cum leaking. Potter dropped to his knees and Draco’s heart stopped at the sight._

_The brunette reached out holding on to Draco’s hips, hands travelling down his thighs then back up again reaching behind him to caress his cheeks. He was so close Draco could feel the soft breaths leaving Potter on his cock and it was driving him insane with want. Potter wouldn’t look away from Draco’s cock, he then stuck his tongue out to lap at that drop of pre-cum covering Draco’s body with goosebumps._

_The brunette looked up and their eyes locked, he gave a feral smile taking Draco’s head into his mouth and sucking lightly. Draco’s knees gave in and Potter’s hands came back around holding his ass so he could swallow deeper. Draco shivered as Potter let out a filthy moan bobbing his head up and down, his tongue pushing against Draco’s vein on the way up and then lapping at the head before going back down. Draco was close, but he didn’t want to cum yet. He pulled at Potter’s hair pulling him up and back into a filthy kiss, tasting himself and it turned him on even more._

_He helped Potter shed the rest of his clothes, the latter pushing him unto the bed and crawling on top of him looking him in the eyes as he languidly stroked Draco’s cock, he kissed him deeply, taking everything Draco could give. Draco’s hands travelling across Potter’s back, nails digging in every time   Potter would leave a love bit or suck at his pulse point or that spot behind his ear. Draco’s brain was so lust addled that he could not think straight all he wanted was more._

_He felt the hand on his cock travel further below pushing Draco’s legs apart as Potter settled in between them, his hand cupping his balls, alternating between soft caresses and hard tugs, meanwhile he would kiss Draco until they were out of breath. Moving back to his neck and collarbone leaving kisses and love bites._

_He tensed a little as he felt the hand travel further below, a finger probing gently at his rim, he relaxed soon as he felt Potter’s kisses on his cheeks and temple and corner of his mouth as he slowly rubbed his rim not going in. Potter muttered a spell and saw a bottle of lube flying into Potter’s hand. He closed his eyes as he felt the finger back at his entrance. This time the rubbing was more insistent and Draco felt Potter’s finger push inside just a little barely past his first knuckle, then Potter began pushing deeper every time until his finger was all in._

_He then added another finger and Draco felt his walls being stretched, Potter curved his fingers hitting Draco’s prostate and the blonde arched his back letting out a guttural moan nails scratching at the Brunette’s back, who would hit that spot every other time he pushed in until Draco was a moaning mess, then Potter added a third finger and Draco was feeling so full he wondered how Potter would fit. But he didn’t care if it hurt, he just wanted him in so bad. He wanted Potter to fill him and stretch him, maybe the physical burn would be enough to numb out that pain in his chest? “I’m ready, just fuck me already.” Potter looked down at him eyes searching, “Now Potter.”_

_Potter’s fingers reached out to caress Draco’s face, tenderly touching his cheek, eyebrow and lingering on his lips before he bent down kissing the blonde so tenderly and for one split moment Draco could pretend that Potter loved him back. Draco wanted to believe that his feelings were reciprocated, he gave himself this one moment of weakness and as Potter aligned himself, Draco stopped him, he needed to know this was not just a one night stand, he needed to be sure it was more than just a fuck._

_“Harry, if this is just a fuck to you then stop now.” The brunette leaned in kissing Draco again, kissing him like his life depended on it. Resting his forehead against Draco’s, Potter whispered “I told you already, it’s not. Merlin, Draco I need you.” And Draco remembers the burn as Harry pushed into him. It was painful, the stretch it burned, but Harry took his time, pushing in slowly, waiting for Draco to stretch around him before he pushed further in. Once he was all in, Harry froze wiping a tear that escaped Draco’s eye and kissing him tenderly on the temple._

_Draco could hear Harry whispering things but his lust addled mind could not figure out what was being said, the pain was still there but is was overcome by this animalistic need for Harry to move. He wanted to feel more, “Move, Harry please move.” And Harry did, sliding out slowly, the head catching on Draco’s rim before he pushed back in. With every thrust the burn lessened to be replaced by a tingle of want and need. Yes! “Harry” he moaned the name like it was a prayer. And Harry kissed him again and again as he pumped into him, making him see stars._

_He had imagined what it would be like, in those deep corners of his mind, he knew it would be amazing, he could never have imagined though that it would be so overwhelming. He felt everything all at once; his skin was on fire where they touched, Harry’s bites made his blood boil, his kisses soothing the heat, his cock buried deep inside Draco hitting his prostate on every other thrust sending his body into never-ending ecstasy, Harry’s voice as he gasped and moaned and called Draco’s name touched his very soul and that was the moment Draco knew that he was irrevocably in love._

_“I’m close.” Draco barely managed to say against Harry’s lips. Harry finally moved his hand between them and stroked Draco in time with his thrusts that were becoming erratic. It only took three, four strokes and Draco was coming between them tightening around Harry and Harry lost it and his orgasm followed. He pumped into Draco a few more times as he spilled inside and then collapsed on top of Draco._

_They stayed like that for a while, coming down from their orgasms. Draco’s arms around Harry holding him not wanting to let go. Harry then groaned and moved slightly to the side, summoning his wand he cast a quick cleaning charm on them. Draco shivered at the tickling cool sensation, Harry then moved behind Draco pulling the blonde closer to his chest. Draco was spent and he was slowly falling into the black that was comfortable sleep. Harry nuzzled his neck and sleepily muttered, “I could get used to this. I could fall for you.” Draco remembers the warmth that spread through his chest and he couldn’t stop his mouth from spilling the words that came out as his brain was already half asleep. “I’ve already fallen for you.”_

_The next morning Draco woke up feeling blissful and the happiest he’d felt in a long time. The feeling was rather short lived as he realized the bed was empty, so was the rest of the house. There were no notes anywhere, and no sign of Harry. He felt a cold shiver run down his spine that had nothing to do with his nudity and everything to do with the empty house. He went about his day as planned, and spent the weekend trying not to overthink Harry’s absence._

_It was a few days later when he met Granger for coffee as she needed his advice on this legislation she was working on, that he asked about Harry. “You don’t know? He’s decided to go tour the world. He left this past Saturday with Charlie. Charlie is on a lecturing tour and he's convinced Harry to join him dragon hunting....” Draco lost her there, the sound of his heart beating in his ears silencing her words as he gripped the edge of the table to stop his hands from shaking, biting on the inside of his cheek to stop from screaming or crying or both._

_He excused himself as he ran to the restroom his stomach twisting and nausea hitting, he emptied the contents of his stomach, and heaved more as the panic attack took over, his body shaking, covered in sweat. His body was breaking, turns out heartbreaks are very much physical. The mess that he had become was very much proof of that._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, i would like to thank everyone who commented and for everyone leaving Kudos .... really helped me finish this story :)
> 
> This is a longer chapter but hope you enjoy it. Unbetad so excuse any mistakes (let me know of any so i can fix them).

 

**Chapter 3**

  

Ron stood staring at his friend, on his knees, head resting on Hermione’s shoulder and tears running down his cheeks. He tried to feel bad for his best friend, he really did but he just couldn’t believe Harry would act in such a cruel way. “You fucked Malfoy?”

“Ron.” Hermione called out softly to him, her way of asking him to drop it.

“When?”

“Ron!” This time she said his name louder in warning, which was futile as he practically shouted “WHEN?”

Ron watched as Harry pulled away from Hermione’s embrace, “The night before I left.”

“Fucking hell Harry!” Ron passed his hand through his hair looking at his friend in shock. Hermione had stood at that point and walked over to him. “Please explain to me what you were thinking?”

“I wasn’t! Ok?” Harry pulled himself to his feet, facing his best friends. It hurt to see their judgmental looks, he knew what he did was wrong, he shouldn’t have, but... “I just couldn’t help it. Seamus’s comment got to me and I found myself at his doorstep as usual. Except this time, I went over to his place and all I wanted to do was kiss him, so I did.”

“All that is great to know but that’s not what I’m talking about Harry. To be honest this whole thing between you and Malfoy has been dragging on long enough if you ask me and was a long time coming. We all wondered when you both would finally stop dancing around each other.”

Ron had noticed the way the two behaved around one another. He had on more than one occasion almost locked them up together to just ‘get it over with’. But that would not have worked, and although he was still not a great fan of the ferret, he would not have liked to see him get hurt because Harry was known to be quite the ladies man, and well the gentlemen too.

“What Ron meant to say, Harry what were you thinking when you decided to go away with Charlie on the tour?.” Hermione’s voice was softer than Ron’s, but her eyes just as hard. Harry looked at them, searching for what, he wasn’t sure. Maybe forgiveness? _They’re not the ones you should be seeking forgiveness from_. He thought. Maybe understanding? _How can you expect them to understand when you don’t._

“I can’t talk about this.” He turned to walk away but was stopped as Ron placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Harry mate, you’re my best friend and we have been through hell and back together. But I can’t tell you that I’m completely ok with what you did. Malfoy is not my favourite person in the world but he did not deserve this. Not from you. You need to fix this.”

“I don’t know how.” Somehow sorry wasn’t enough. Sorry felt empty.

Hermione came around looking him in the eye, he was scared of what she might say, she has always been one to speak her mind and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what was on her mind now. “What were you so scared of?”

Harry shook his head, he did not want to talk about this. Any of it. Not now. “I need to go.” He turned towards Ron, “Tell Ginny I’m sorry.” Another empty apology. He closed his eyes and apparated on the spot.

He didn’t want to go home. Despite living there for a few years, Harry still couldn’t think of 12 Grimmauld place as his home. Maybe it was the ghosts, or the memories, or the barren halls and rooms. He had thrown away everything, leaving only Sirius’s room untouched, the tapestry and Walburga’s portrait were the only two things he couldn’t get rid off. No it wasn’t home to him.

It seemed that he would never have a home. Hogwarts was the only home he had ever known yet somehow he never felt completely safe there. He had never felt safe anywhere. Except for this one time.

Harry had apparated in front of an old muggle pub that he used to frequent. It was a habit; come here, drink, pull, fuck then repeat. They were all nameless faces, even his so called relationships were meaningless. He just wanted to feel something. Anything.

He sat at a table by the wall away from the crowds and asked for a brandy. The waiter was handsome and Harry would have flirted with him and probably fucked him in the bathroom before the night was over. The waiter brought him his drink with a smile and a wink, Harry’s stomach churned. He couldn’t bring himself to smile back, he gave a nod instead, diverting his attention to the glass in front of him. He had not been with anyone since Draco. There were many opportunities but he didn't want that anymore. He didn't want meaningless one night stands. He wanted something real but the real thing terrified him.

He sat there for a while staring at the glass, not picking it up. He thought back to the empty house, he had only furnished one room where he slept, well by furnished he added a bed, a nightstand and a wardrobe. Before ‘running away’ he had kept himself busy volunteering. Becoming an Auror lost it’s appeal once he realized he was sick and tired of fighting. So he helped out the victims of the war especially the orphans.

That gave him some kind of purpose and he enjoyed it, enjoyed seeing the hope and happiness on their tiny faces. He knew how important family was, never having one of his own he wanted to help those little ones as much as he could.

He had abandoned them though. He had left those little kids, the ones he promised he'd take care off. He also vaguely remembered another promise spoken between hurried kisses and lust-filled moans. He took a large swig of the brandy as his thoughts turned to the blonde.

They had struck up a friendship overcoming the rivalry that plagued their school years, and Malfoy wasn’t so bad once his sarcastic and scathing remarks were no longer directed at Harry with an intent to hurt.

Harry soon learned that he rather enjoyed the quick wit of Malfoy’s humour, and his company too. He had come to like the blonde, like him quite a lot actually. But he couldn’t approach him, for one Harry wasn’t sure if Malfoy was gay. The Blonde never talked about his love life, and whenever Harry tried to bring it up Malfoy would always change the subject. And what if Harry made a move and then Malfoy rejected him he didn’t want to make things awkward between them. He didn’t want to lose Malfoy as a friend.

Harry downed the rest of his drink and signaled the waiter asking for another. He was staring into the bottom of his empty glass, the burn of the liquid as it traveled down wasn’t much of a relief. A filled glass replaced his empty one and Harry continued to stare at it.

He barely registered as someone sat across him. He closed his eyes willing the other person to go away. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see Ginny sitting across from him. She was looking at him, her face blank.

“You’re missing your party.”

“You’re missing my party.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry Gin, I had to leave.”

“Ron and Blaise have already told me what happened.”

“How did you find me?”

“I figured you won’t be going back to your place, so I thought, where’s your favourite place to wallow and pine away....oh right this shabby little shit hole.” Her tone had become a little harsher and Harry winced as her eyes turned hard on him.

He looked back down at his glass not wanting to look up, Ginny was supposed to be his future. They were supposed to be a happy couple, except they couldn’t make it work.

After the war they realised that their feelings of affection have turned from romantic to platonic. The war had changed them both and they wanted different things from life.

They parted without any hard feelings and he still considered her as a great friend, but somehow he thought that was the point when his life went downhill. He downed his second glass and ordered another one.

“Before I found out I was a wizard,” his voice was low and a rough whisper, “I spent my childhood either running from Dudley, serving my aunt and uncle or either being locked up or hiding. When I look back at my time in Hogwarts, I realise it wasn’t so different.”

He was quiet for a while, until he heard Ginny, “How so?” he had almost forgotten she was there. Eyes still staring into the dark liquid, Harry continued, “I ended up running and hiding from Voldemort, and serving Dumbledore all the while being locked into a prophecy and a life I never chose.” It was different to have thoughts that plagued his subconscious to finally burst through.

“I guess I thought that after the war, I could have a normal life, you know?” he finally looked up into her eyes, they were soft and understanding, so he carried on, “You, me, make a home for ourselves with kids and a dog. I’ve always wanted a dog.” It went unsaid that he had always wanted a family. He laid his head on the back of his seat closing his eyes.

“But we didn’t work. It didn’t feel right and somehow after that nothing felt right. And I began to think that maybe I was broken. Maybe when I had died and come back, something had gone wrong. I didn’t know what to do with my life so I tried to lose myself in anything that could make me **feel**. But all I felt was empty.” He looked back at her, “I’ve felt so lost and empty Ginny.”

“I take it that changed at some point?”

“Yeah, and I managed to screw it up because I was afraid I didn’t deserve it.”

“And now? Do you deserve **it** now?”

“Probably even less than I did before, but I want to Ginny. I want to make it work.”

“Well then what are you doing here?”

“What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“What if he still does?” Harry thought about her answer, if there was even the slightest hope that Draco would take him back Harry would fight for it. He got up giving Ginny a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Ginny.”

“Go get him tiger.” She said with a wink finishing Harry’s brandy as he left the pub.

 

******************************

 

Draco was not going to break down. He was not going to break down. He was not going to....oh Fuck it. He walked into his apartment and headed straight towards his liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of firewhiskey and taking a swig right out of the bottle. It hurt, but that wasn’t as bad as the burning he felt in his chest. It was worse than he expected, so much worse.

Seeing Potter made all the pain of that morning rush back, but the breaking point was the look in Potter’s eyes; the look of remorse and agony. It made hope flair in Draco’s heart and he knew that hope was the cruelest of emotions. Hope would make him whole just to tear him up again. Hope would let him kiss Potter again and give everything, just to be left broken and in pieces again. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to put himself back together a second time.

He threw himself on the couch the bottle still in hand, lights were out; he hadn’t even bothered to turn them on when he came in. He wanted to forget this night. Damn it he wanted to forget **that** night. He remembers at some point asking Pansy to obliviate him, she wouldn’t though, telling him if she did he would just make the same mistake. He had to agree with her. He wouldn’t do it again now. Ever.

He had woken up on the couch, a crick in his neck. It took him a few minutes for his mind to catch up, the now empty bottle of firewhiskey was still in his hand, explains the splitting headache. He pulled himself upright placing the empty bottle on the coffee table, he rested his throbbing head on the back of the couch. He cast a tempus, quarter past three in the morning.

The Malfoy in him told him he should get the fuck up, stop wallowing, drink a sobering potion and sleep it off, but all he wanted to do was pick up another bottle and drown in it. It wasn’t much of a debate, he got up and headed to the bathroom in the dark, splashing some water in his face and brushing his teeth quickly.

Taking out another bottle this time he filled a glass, placing the bottle on the coffee table. He walked towards the window, so far his sluggish drunkenness managed to keep his mind of the painful tightness in his chest. He took a sip of the amber liquid, his eyes scanning the street outside until they stopped at the shadow across the street. There was a figure leaning against one of the trees opposite his window, it was cast in the shadows, but it wasn’t difficult for him to make out who it was.

His eyes easily picked up the bird’s nest instead of hair, the fit body leaning against the tree and the strong arms that were crossed in front of his chest. Potter was standing in front of his home and Draco regretted not finishing the second bottle, he couldn’t deal with this. He moved to the side leaning against the wall next to the window closing his eyes and trying hard to stabilize his breathing.

He was trying to stave off the panic attack that he could feel building up. He swallowed down the rest of the firewhiskey in the glass chancing a quick glance out the window, the shadow was gone and Draco wondered if maybe he was imagining things, his mind playing tricks on him feeding off his wishful thinking. He rested his forehead against the cold glass window and once again closed his eyes, this time in an attempt to stave off the tears that he felt were about to break through. Fuck he was a mess, he hated being so drunk, he could never control his emotions when drunk.

He jumped up slightly as he heard a knock at the door, the glass in his hand slipping through his fingers and shattering at his feet. He stared at the door thinking that maybe he had imagined it, but then it came again; a little stronger this time. Three deliberate knocks. Draco’s feet carried him towards the door, he wasn’t really thinking, his mind too inebriated to stop his body from acting.

He opened the door just enough to see the man plaguing his dreams and nightmares in the flesh, feeling his heartbeat skip he tried to close the door again only to feel a returning pressure keeping the door open as a foot jammed into the doorway preventing the door from closing. He stared at the muggle trainers not daring to look up. He didn’t have the strength and the alcohol in his blood had him walk around in a daze. He needed a clear head.

Leaving the door open, with Harry still in his doorway, Draco walked towards the bathroom locking the door behind him. His head screamed as he cast a lumos turning on the lamp, he closed his eyes tight willing his body not to  shudder at the onslaught of the headache. After a few deep breaths he opened his eyes, squinting at the light he rummaged through his cupboard for the potion. He hated taking the sobering potion, it always made his body feel drained and he would always throw up which seemed to be his body’s way of telling him off for drinking so much. He opened the vial and drank it up, his body was immediately covered with goosebumps as the thick liquid traveled down into his stomach making it lurch, he emptied what little was in his stomach right into the toilet, heaving a few times.

He felt his mind clear up as the potion took immediate effect and the reality of who was in his apartment finally hit him. “Fuck.” He rested his hands on the sink leaning forward trying to think of a way out. He could stay in here all night, but that wouldn’t do much good, Harry could stay there till the morning. No, all this would achieve is give him another crick in his neck and an aching back.

He brushed his teeth again and washed his face passing wet fingers through his hair trying to cool down. He tried to ignore his shaking hands or the panicked look in his eyes without much success, he knew Harry would be able to read him like an open book. So he took a moment further to school his features behind that infamous Malfoy mask that his father taught him to wear. He hated being that person, but right now he needed to be the young boy with a mean smirk and an air of indifference.

He walked out, one of the lamps in the corner of the living room had been turned on, the broken glass near the window had been repaired and was on the coffee table next to the empty and half empty bottles of firewhiskey. Draco’s gaze traveled across the room meeting green eyes that stared back intensely. Harry had come in as Draco knew he would, he wanted to tell him to get out but he couldn’t, not when those eyes were pinning him in place holding him hostage to his own desires.

Harry was leaning against the wall, his body tense and his hands buried in his pockets. Harry was still wearing the same clothes from the party; his were a little less ruffled since he probably did not fall asleep on the couch in them. Draco refrained himself from fixing his clothes, he after all didn’t care what Harry thought. Not one bit. He lifted his chin, looking down his nose at Harry as he crossed his arms in front of his chest in defiance. He did not miss the look of hurt that crossed the brunette’s face at the all too familiar gesture of a past they had left behind.

Draco tried to feel smug, tried to feel good seeing that Harry was feeling hurt, maybe he did somewhere deep inside, but behind the cool mask of utter indifference he felt that same pain that was reflecting in Harry’s eyes.  It must have only been a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity as they stood there, eyes locked in a battle of wills, Harry willing those walls to break. Just as Draco was about to tell Harry to leave, the brunette spoke.

“We need to talk.”

“ **You** need to leave.”

“You need to hear me out.”

“I don’t need to do anything, you however should show yourself out.”

“ **I** need to talk to you.”

“Well I’m not interested in what you have to say. Close the door on your way out.” Draco practically ran out of the room. He so desperately wanted to know why Harry did this to him. Why he would lie to him the way he did. See him at his weakest then destroy him. But he was not going to let go of his pride, he would not allow any more weakness. So he decided to hide away from Harry.

He closed the door to his bedroom behind him and added a locking charm, he wasn’t sure if it was to keep Harry out or to keep himself in. Draco leaned against the door trying to stop his head from spinning, he slid down the door and closed his eyes resting his head on the door. It was quiet, he had not heard the front door shut but he hoped that Harry had left. In the silence and darkness of his room, he heard the soft footsteps on the other side of the door, he heard as he stopped, felt as he slid down the other side of the door. So he had stayed.

The silence carried on for a while, Draco could not say how long, could have been a few minutes, or a few days, he had lost all track of time. He was tired, he was starting to drift into unconscious sleep when he heard Harry’s voice. “What do you imagine when you think of home?” Draco was surprised by the question, he wasn’t sure where any of this was going, so he refrained from answering thinking that if he gave Harry the silent treatment the brunette would go away. He however carried on as if not expecting any answers.

“As a child, I would think of my parents and imagine what it would have been like if they were alive. At the time I thought they had died in a car crash thanks to the lies told by my aunt and uncle. Later on, I just thought home would be where I felt like I belonged. I never belonged with the Durselys, they never accepted me as part of their family, I was more of an inconvenience that they just **had** to deal with. They never saw me as someone who could be cared for or loved.

“I guess it wasn’t hard for me to imagine that maybe I wasn’t worth loving. Except then Hagrid showed up and told me I’m a wizard. He told me the truth that I was denied before. Hogwarts was the closest thing to a home that I have ever had. It was the place where I felt I belonged, except that home is more than just that.” Draco realized that he was hanging on to every word that Harry said afraid to miss something lest it be important.

“I never felt completely safe at Hogwarts, what with Voldemort hunting me since first year. Hogwarts might have been the closest thing to a home but still wasn’t quite enough. Something was missing.” There was another pause. “Ginny and I got together and somehow I thought that after the war we would build a family and it was so easy for me to imagine exactly what a home would feel like and what it should be. It was incredibly painful to watch that picture of perfection shatter as we parted. But I tried. I tried to meet new people and I tried to have successful relationships but with every failed attempt I began to wonder that maybe something was wrong with me. Maybe I could not be loved.

“It did not seem so far fetched, I had lived with a piece of Voldemort’s soul in me for almost seventeen years and he was never loved. Maybe I was tainted forever. Or maybe when I died and came back, the part of me that can be loved was left behind.” Draco could hear the amount of pain and loneliness in the broken voice and he was being torn apart, his heart went out to the man he fell for, feeling for his suffering but his brain remembered the pain all too well and would not forget so easily.

“I guess I reached a point where the pain of loneliness was too much and I tried to drown it in as many one night stands and meaningless relationships as I could. I began to believe with every unsuccessful relationship that no one wanted me for **me** , they all loved the famous Harry Potter but no one loved just Harry. No one could. I was loved for my name and fame.”

Draco heard a noise, he assumed Harry shifted but he couldn’t move, he was glued to the spot listening and waiting. “When you and I started getting along I didn’t think much of it. For me it was just a way to move on and away from the horrors of the war and it felt nice to bury the hatchet. Soon we were hanging out and you weren’t so bad.” Draco heard the faintest smile in Harry’s voice, “I never had anyone to talk to about my dates and relationships; Hermione would always lecture me about one thing or another reminding me that I should be looking for someone to settle down with and Ron would always turn everything into a joke.

“And then this one night I told you and you listened, you actually bloody listened and that’s all I needed. So from then on I came to you. And you were always there, you would always listen and talk to me, not lecture me, not make fun of the situations. Just talk to me.” If Draco was not hiding behind closed doors, he might have told Harry that he liked having Harry over even if that meant that he would have to listen to him talk about being with other people.

“I stopped wanting to go home you know, I never liked it there and whenever I wanted to go ‘Home’ somehow I thought of here. I thought of you.” after everything that Harry told him in the stillness and darkness of the night through a closed door, Draco knew this meant something, he just didn’t want to believe it, he was too scared.

“Remember that night, after we made love, I told you I could so easily fall for you?” Draco nodded, even though Harry couldn’t see him, even though he wasn’t planning to answer and the question was rhetorical, Draco still nodded feeling that same tightening in his chest, he wanted to tell him that yes he did remember and call Harry a liar because how could he say this then walk away, he must not have meant it then. “I lied.” Draco’s fists clenched, he bit his tongue to stop from cursing out loud at how stupid he was.

“Draco, by then I was already in love with you.” Silence. Silence and stillness like Draco had never heard before, he was not breathing because he thought his lungs had stopped working, he couldn’t hear Harry breathing either.

“Why?” his voice came out rough, unused and tense, and so full of emotions; anger and hurt and longing. So much in one word. He stood up unlocking the door and wrenching it open finding himself face to face with Harry, his anger came to the surface overcoming any other emotion and pushing Harry against the opposite wall hand at his throat putting enough pressure to hurt but allowing him to breathe.

“Why Potter?” he added as much venom as he could into his voice and all the derision he could muster into his eyes, he was so utterly confused between Harry’s words and contradicting actions.

“Because I got scared. I was afraid of so much Draco.” One of Harry’s hands came up to cover the hand on his throat, the other cupped Draco’s cheek and Draco fought against closing his eyes and giving in, he looked away from those piercing green eyes and concentrated on the veins of his arm still holding Harry by the throat. “I realised that you have become home for me.” As the words registered in his mind, Draco’s eyes shot back up and he was once again staring into those green depths. “I always came back to you even before I realized how I felt about you. I would always find my way to you. I came to love it when we cooked, or when we would bicker about which takeout we’re getting. How you always made sure there was hot breakfast and a steaming cup of coffee when I overslept.”

Harry’s other hand come up to cup Draco’s other cheek and he felt his hand loosen around the brunette’s throat moving downwards fisting his shirt, wanting to push him away and pull him closer at the same time. “That night, Seamus’s words hit me, I didn’t know if you were into men and you never said so I never risked it. But I came to see you and I kissed you, and you kissed me back and it was more than I could have ever imagined. As we made love I felt safe, I felt haply and I felt loved. This is what home must have felt like because it was _EVERYTHING._ ”

Harry moved forwards placing his forehead against Draco’s whose eyes closed reveling in the closeness and trying to hold on to the last threads of his sanity that was being stripped away word by word. “As you fell asleep saying that you’ve already fallen for me,” Harry spoke in a whisper, Draco felt the soft breaths against his lips, they were so close, his fist tightened further pulling Harry in just a little, “Draco I realized I don’t deserve you. My body and soul are tarnished. My body held a piece of a soul so dark and filled with hate that it did not deserve to be loved and neither did I. You deserved more, you deserved better. I was terrified that come morning you would wake up and realize that.”

Harry leaned away, taking a step back and letting go of Draco’s face, his eyes shot open looking into Harry’s face, tears had spilled and were running down his cheek. Draco’s skin felt cold without Harry’s touch. “I ran away because I thought it would be easier than having to survive you rejecting me. All those breakups and all those meaningless relationships that ended because I wasn’t good enough or I wasn’t what they thought did not matter to me. But you did and if you were to reject me then that would have destroyed me. So instead of facing that I decided to run away.”

“Even though I had already told you how I feel?”

“I couldn’t believe it was true. I kept thinking maybe it was my wishful thinking, or afterglow bliss. I thought it was everything and anything but a truthful notion because no one has loved me that way.”

“Why are you here Harry?” Draco was drained, it was the middle of the night, he had been on an emotional rollercoaster, his body had gone through stress, drunkenness, sobering and then even more stress.

“To tell you that I’ve been running my whole life, and these seven months were different because I was running away from the only thing that mattered to me. It took me seven months to gather enough strength and courage to believe that maybe I am worth loving, that maybe you could love me. Now I just need to win you over again. I intend to do just that.”

Harry brushed his knuckles against Draco’s cheek and moved towards his living room, Draco followed him walking in a daze. His mind was still reeling from everything that was said. He wanted to believe Harry but he was so afraid that everything will crash and burn again. He watched as Harry opened the door, “I love you Draco.” With that he walked out shutting the door behind him. Draco doesn’t remember how he reached his room, so much was going through his mind that he took a vial of sleeping draught and blacked out.

 

******************************

 

Draco was in the kitchen cooking a roast chicken with a side of roasted vegetables and fresh green salad. He cast a tempus; quarter to seven, Harry would be arriving anytime now. It had been five months since Ginny and Blaise’s engagement and since their ‘talk’, even though it was Harry who did most of the talking, and Harry did exactly what he said he would do. He had spent the last five months showing up at Draco’s doorstep and joining him for dinners. He would sit next to Draco whenever they met outside and would keep a conversation flowing, even if they were one sided. Draco never kicked Harry out always letting him in but he decided to pretty much ignore him for the better part.

Draco remained cold and distant for the first couple of months keeping Harry at a distance and his emotions under a tight lock. But Harry would come around after his volunteering shifts and they would cook dinner or order in eating in silence that was tense and awkward . They would drink no more than two glasses making sure they were sober and Harry never stayed late.

Slowly Draco’s walls began to fall and he switched from giving Harry the silent treatment to throwing snarky comments his way, Draco would make sure they were just the right amount if scathing without overdoing it. He pretended not to notice how Harry’s eyes would sparkle or the smile that would light his face.

It wasn’t long before they started talking and the conversation began to flow more freely, they shared stories about their day and jokes they heard. Harry would tell Draco about this new recipe he read about and Draco would tell him about this new restaurant that opened and they would explore them together.

Draco did not miss how they sat closer at the table rather than on different ends of it, or how Harry now sat next to him on the couch rather than sitting on the one opposite from him. He also did not miss how his hand would linger on Harry’s as the brunette would hand him a plate or glass as they cleared the table. Or the way he sat a little closer until his shoulder would brush against Harry’s as they listened to the wireless.

A few weeks back, Harry had come over with a bottle of champagne to celebrate. The ministry had approved his request to turn 12 Grimmauld place into an orphanage and centre for rehabilitation and support of war victims. That was the first night Harry had slept over, they had had quite a bit to drink and Harry was in no shape to apparate or floo back to his place. The next morning they ate breakfast, and Draco shivered as Harry kissed him tenderly on the cheek whispering a thank you before he left for the day.

Since that kiss, Draco longed to feel more. He wanted those lips on his, he wanted Harry’s hands to hold him tight and pull him closer. He wanted everything and he realized that he was ready to finally give it a try. Give **them** a try. Harry had said he would try to win him over and even though Draco had never stopped loving Harry, even through all the heartache and pain his heart had always belonged to scarhead, Harry had managed to worm his way back into Draco’s trust. Draco just had to risk it because Merlin knows he doesn’t want to be apart from the brunette anymore.

He heard the floo and a few moments later Harry had walked into the kitchen a few bags in his arms. He greeted Draco with a warm smile and a hello as he emptied the grocery bags putting away the food into the cupboards. Harry walked about the kitchen as if it was his own and any doubt in Draco’s mind was dispelled.

Harry set the table and poured the wine as Draco set their plates on the table. They ate while talking about their day and Draco listened to Harry’s stories about his house hunting. As they cleared out the table and moved back to the living room Draco felt nervous. This was a HUGE leap and he had not even discussed this with anyone, partly because he knew Pansy would shove his wand up his arse and Blaise would tie him up in some basement till he gained some sense.

Shit he was nervous, he was actually terrified.

“Draco, are you even listening to me?”

“What?”

“I take it the answer is no.” Harry’s smile was warm and relaxed as he sat on the couch his legs outstretched in front of him and one arm on the back of the couch.

Draco took a deep breath, leaned forwards his elbows on his knees and just dove in, “Harry, this house hunting isn’t really working out for you.”

“Ha....I know. That’s what I’ve been saying. I’m not too picky but really some if the places I’ve seen are a downright disaster.”

“Yeah, so I was thinking. Well....” Draco could feel his hands shaking so he clasped them tight together. He felt as Harry shifted coming closer and a hand rested on his shoulder.

“You ok?”

Draco lifted his head to look at Harry, he did not expect them to be this close, they tried to keep a distance; Harry tried to give Draco his space and Draco was afraid he won’t be able to hold back. He was right.

He leaned in, closing the distance between them finally kissing Harry, who after the initial shock had started to kiss Draco back. Their hands reached out to cup cheeks and bury into soft or messy hair as they pulled each other closer. Harry’s hands moved downwards grabbing on to Draco’s hips and pulling him into his lap, Draco straddled Harry bringing their bodies closer. Draco was so turned on, he had been yearning for this for months now and finally having Harry like this was turning him into a needy mess.

Harry moaned as Draco rocked against his erection, the blonde taking advantage to push his tongue inside. The kisses were tender and slow, they were taking their time with each other, hands roaming, caressing and Draco kissed into Harry’s mouth with much tenderness and care. Harry in return held Draco with affection, kissing his jaw and neck, moving his lips against Draco’s skin whispering tender loving words. He sucked on that weak spot behind Draco’s ear revelling in the sound of Draco’s moan as the blonde rocked against him again.

Harry’s hands came up to grab unto Draco’s shoulder’s pushing him away just a little so he could look into the blonde’s eyes, they were so black, pupils blown out with only a thin silver rim what remained of the irises. Harry was sure his eyes were just as filled with want. “Draco wait.”

Harry felt as the blonde stiffened in his arms and his face blanked, “You don’t want this.” It came as a statement more than an answer, and Harry hastened to clarify before the blonde pulled away.

“Of course I want this! Merlin Draco I have NEVER stopped wanting you.” He started trailing soft kisses across Draco’s cheeks to his lips, “I just don’t want us to rush in.”

“Move in with me.” The words left Draco’s mouth before his mind could register them, it was Harry’s turn to freeze, they stared into each other’s eyes and all the doubt Draco had ever felt vanished as he saw the insecurity and vulnerability in the way Harry’s grasp tightened on his shoulders and the sliver of hope that shone through his eyes as he searched Draco’s. “I mean it, I want you to move in here.”

“Draco...” the blonde decided to silence him with a kiss afraid he would say no and stopping him.

He kissed across Harry’s jaw reaching his ear and whispering, “This could be your home.” He pulled away to look into those green eyes that were just a little moist with gathering tears, Draco rested his forehead to Harry’s, “This could be our home.”

He couldn’t say how it happened but he was suddenly flipped on his back on the couch, the brunette leaning on top of him, a look of incredulity and happiness written all over his face as his fingers caressed Draco’s cheek travelling to his temple and burying themselves in Draco’s soft hair. “ **You** are my home Draco.” Draco smiled at Harry as he pulled him closer into another kiss whispering “I love you” against his lips.

That night Draco was stitched back together, his broken pieces fitting into their right places with every kiss and every caress, and Harry found home. The next morning as they woke up tangled in each  other’s arms, Harry kissing Draco’s temple as the blonde buried his face in the brunette’s neck, Draco knew what it meant to be whole, and Harry felt what it was like to have a home. They both learned together what it was like to feel loved and wanted, what it was like to belong.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos appreciated and loved ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism, kudos and comments all appreciated <3


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